Graduation

Last week, I graduated from Bakersfield College. Two years and $12,000 dollars later, I look back on the experience and wonder: was it worth the time, expense, and stress. It is easy to look at the statistics regarding community college graduation rates and feel a sense of accomplishment. According to commonly reported statistics, only 19% of Bakersfield College students graduate and only 7% graduate within a “normal” time period. I graduated in two years (a normal period of time), and I maintained a 3.23 GPA over 80+ units. And it wasn't easy. Most semesters, I took an overload of units that required approval from the counseling department. Over the course of four regular semesters and one summer school semester, my attendance was nearly perfect, and I missed few assignments. But, are grades and graduation really the best barometer of what I learned at Bakersfield College? After all, Professors sometimes give grades that are not deserved, and I sometimes submitted assignments that did not fully reflect my understanding of the material. The most important lesson I learned at Bakersfield College is not reflected in my GPA, and it is certainly more valuable than the $12,000 two years of school cost. I learned a lesson that, if learned earlier in my life, would have been much more valuable than it is today. I learned that despite adversity, despite seemingly insurmountable circumstances, I can actually finish something I start. There were many days I woke up and felt like not going to school, not doing assignments, not breathing. Unless you have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts, there isn't really anyway I can describe to you what they feel like. A lot of people think depression means sadness, but I wasn't sad, I was just completely indifferent. Yet, day after day, I made my way to the Bakersfield College campus. I fought mental battles that would have caused some people to give up. But, after a lifetime of giving up, I knew that this was one task I had to complete. Not because there was some magical pot of gold at the end and not because it would lead to some great job and a wonderful future. I had to complete this task because it was important to me. Over the past week, I have asked myself repeatedly: is there one thing you can point to that you learned at B.C. that is worth the time and money it required to get to graduation? My answer is, yes. But, what I learned can't be found in a textbook, and it didn't come from a lecture. Don't get me wrong, I learned amazing things from the professors at Bakersfield College. One of the first classes I took at B.C. was Professor Paula Park's English class. Professor Parks taught me the value of community, and the fact that as bad as some think they have it in the United States, there are people in much worse circumstances around the world. Dr. Barton opened my eyes to the world of literature that I never knew existed. Under Dr. Barton's tutelage, I learned that reading Poe, Hawthorne, Eliot, and others is about more than what is on the surface of the story. When reading, you have to become a detective to discover the hidden meaning (or lack of meaning). And from Dr. Trujillo, I learned the value of having an offensive instructor. His constant belittling comments and not so subtle jabs gave me renewed motivation whenever I felt like giving up. But the most important and valuable lesson I learned came from the lectures I gave myself. It turns out that I taught myself a vital lesson about commitment, perseverance, and follow through. In high school, I was on the Speech & Debate team. At the top of all of our debate material, we put a quote that was suppose to represent our thinking at the time: if at first you don't succeed, try, try again, if you still fail, give up, no use being a damn fool. There is a certain amount of arrogance in the quote. As if we can just keep trying, quitting and moving on to the next thing. But, eventually we have to find something important enough to us that we keep trying and never quit, and never surrender to doubt or criticism. When we find that something, sometimes, the pay off doesn't come in tangible form. It isn't money in our pockets. It isn't a great job. The pay off is in learning something new about ourselves and the world we live in.