Review: "2001: A Space Odyssey"

Okay... I have to watch a couple movies for English 2. Today is 2001: A Space Odyssey. I thought I would post reviews of each movie, and I will, but I found these reviews of 2001, and since I could not have said it better myself, I am posting them.

2001: A space odyssey is amazing. It is amazing that anyone could ever survive the horror that is this movie. It literally gave me a migraine. I mean I am all for the beautiful cinematography and wonderful imaginitaive directing and all but maybe there should have been more writing involved. I’m pretty sure the script went something like this:
CLOSEUP: giant sperm shaped (see implications later) space ship moves across screen (25mins)
PANORAMA: Even bigger phallic shiped space suit moves across screen (35mins)
PAN LEFT: Tall but very narrow mysterious black object stand still and issues weird chanting sounds, don’t touch it, it’ll scream
VOICEOVER (One of two idiot astronauts): Heavy Breathing (22 mins)
MONTAGE: Multiple shots of Oklahoma and Arizona landscapes with many different colored filters
CLOSE UP: star child (giant embryo planet)
* the sentient being that represents humanity at the dawning of a new universe is an idiot who supposed holding his breath would save him from the vacuum of space – where did he buy his degree?
There was probably a total of seven minutes of dialog in this film, half of which are delivered by a faceless computer.
It is unfortunate that this is the first SF Stanley Kubric film I have seen but I can’t even imagine watching another one without a burning desire to overdose myself on vicodine. If ever you were looking for a wonderfully long torturous, anti-drug advertisement, this is it!

Three hours of my life I will never get back. I love sci-fi and had high hopes for this movie, but to say I was disappointed would be like saying 2000lb bombs make smoke.
This movie is SO DAMN SLOW! I forced myself to watch this “masterpiece” that i had wanted to see for so long, thinking it would end up a new favorite. And it was a piece… of something; every slow, drawn out, endless second of it! You could easily edit this movie down to 5 minutes.
2001: A Space Oddysey should be retitled- 2001: Real-time Space Flight Torture Test Oddysey From Hell, Prozac Edition
Example:
Wanna know how long it takes to exit a space ship for routine ship repair? FOR FU%#ING EVER!!!!!!!!!
Example:
Wanna see the same scene of the moon rotating in the same damn window framed in grey with no edit or cut away for 10 damn minutes with the same damn music playing over and OVER and OVER AGAIN?
CAN I GET AN EDIT?!?!? OR A BULLET?!?!
PLEASE?!?!?!
2001 is aggravating!!!!! I was screaming at the movie to hurry the fu%# up!!!!!!!!!!! Do I need to know (and SEE) that it takes 5 WHOLE MINUTES for a hatch to open up into space? DO I?!?!?! REALLY?!?!?!? AND HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO SEE IT?!?!?!?! WAS ONCE NOT ENOUGH?!?!?!?!
Add in 30 minutes of Dave unplugging/killing HAL (sooooooooo slowly), 25 minutes of astronauts holding there helmets(?) in pain from the annoying alien dog whistle/radio signal with accompanying choir/orchestra music (scene does NOT CHANGE EVER!!!!), a 40 minute trip thru a crayon-colored time-warped hyperspace Dr. Who tunnel with still shots of Dave trying out for Madonna’s “vogue” video (if you like drugs, you might like this part of the movie), and 2 or 3 months of real-time space flight (with elevator music), and you have the DULLEST MOVIE EVER MADE!!!!!
I dont know what was harder to watch, 2001:a space oddysey or an episode of the Teletubbies. I love Bladerunner, even though it is slow at time, its one of my favorite movies. This one sucks badly